‡ƒ„‹–‹‘—•‹›‘—”Š‘’‡•ƒ††”‡ƒ•ǡ„—–†‘ǯ–Œ—•–•–ƒ”‡‹–‘–Š‡ far distance. Cherish every step of the journey. There is joy in seeking common ground in every conversation. It was lies. All lies. But that was to be expected. I was by no means such an upstanding person. It was idiotic, but I also did not care to give up the lie. It was my ability to survive that had gotten me this job offer after all. I had obtained the means to live. I was not wrong in this. It was fine if you had the ability and the looks and the means to live however you wanted, but that was not me. And that was fine. Living life as someone other than yourself. ™ƒ•ǯ–™”‘‰Ǥ…‘—Ž†ǯ–„‡™”‘‰Ǥ ǥ™ƒ••‹’Ž›‘–™”‘‰Ǥ ǥƒ•ǫ Perhaps it was both the power of the alcohol and my own sense of relief from the job offer that lowered my defenses. Those sort of thoughts that I would never usually care to think began drifting through my head. By not being myself, I had gotten results. However, that did not feel like my own success. From here on out, I was going to have to live half my life with something that I had obtained by disguising my own self. A stifling life, one that deep down I could not fully consent to. So then, what had the twenty-one years I had lived up until now all been for? Was there even any point to the past three years I had lived? My head •™‹”Ž‡†™‹–Š–Š‡‘™Ž‡†‰‡–Šƒ––Šƒ–™ƒ•ǯ––Š‡’”‘„Ž‡ǡ–Šƒ––Šƒ–™ƒ•‘– what was wrong here. This was all because of the alcohol and because of the job offer. What if I could live without worrying about my abilities and my looks and my surroundingsȄwithout having to make those calculations every day? If only I could just be an idealist.