She really is chock-full of embarrassing quips, I thought. I felt such strong secondhand embarrassment that I nearly let out an awkward laugh myself but did not. I still had my principles. That said, I got the feeling I was about to be swept up into some strange organization just because I sympathized with my hypothetical ˆ”‹‡†ǯ••‘””‘™•Ǥ‘ƒ•‡†ƒ“—‡•–‹‘–Šƒ– was somewhat belittling, with a —ƒ…‡–Šƒ–•—‰‰‡•–‡†‹–™ƒ•ǯ–Ǥ Dz‘—‘™ǡƒŽ™ƒ›•Šƒ˜‡–‘™‘†‡”Š‘™‹–‹•–Šƒ–›‘—…ƒŽ‹˜‡›‘—” Ž‹ˆ‡–Š‹‹‰ƒ„‘—–•—…Š‘˜‡”ƒ„‹–‹‘—•‹†‡ƒ•ǤdzŠƒ–Š‘’‡†–‘‹’Ž›™ƒ• that I was not capable of the same, so I would not be participating. Dz–ǯ•‘–‘˜‡”ƒ„‹–‹‘—•ǡ‹–ǯ•™Šƒ–ǯ•‹•‹†‡›Š‡ƒ”–Ǩ—–ǡ‡ƒǡ–”›‹‰ to become the person that you want to be is something that everyone thinks ƒ„‘—–ǡ”‹‰Š–ǫdz Not really. Obviously, you had to think about what you were going to do after college. I, at the very least, did not spend my days pondering my ideal self the way Akiyoshi seemed to. Dzǡ‡ƒǡǯ‘–”‡ƒŽŽ›–Šƒ–—…Š‘ˆƒ’‘•‹–‹˜‡–Š‹‡”Ǥdz Dz•–Šƒ–„‡‹‰’‘•‹–‹˜‡ǫ‘‡•–Ž›ǡ‹ˆŠƒ†–‘’—–ƒŽƒ„‡Ž‘‹–ǡǯ†•ƒ› that seeing your current self in a less favorable light is more like negative thinking. If I was to become the sort of adult that I never wanted to be, some sort of authoritarian people pleaser who always cared about what other ’‡‘’Ž‡–Š‘—‰Š–ǡǯ†”ƒ–Š‡”„‡deadǤdz As her so-called friend, it occurred to me that things would be a lot easier for Akiyoshi if she were to become that sort of person. DzŽ•‘ǡ‰—‡••–Šƒ–„‡…‘‹‰›‘—”‹†‡ƒŽ•‡Žˆ‹‰Š–„‡‘˜‡”ƒ„‹–‹‘—•‹ˆ you imagined yourself as an ally of justice or something silly like that. But —…Š•ƒŽŽ‡”†”‡ƒ•ƒ”‡Œ—•–ƒ•˜ƒŽ‹†Ǥ‹‡Ž‹˜‹‰„›ƒ’‡”•‘ƒŽ…‘†‡Ǩdz Dz’‡”•‘ƒŽ…‘†‡ǫdz Dz‡ƒŠǤŠ‡•‘”–‘ˆ–Š‹‰–Šƒ–›‘—…ƒ‡˜‡”†‹•…ƒ”†Ǥ–ǯ•–Šƒ– ‹’‘”–ƒ–Ǥ‘——•–Šƒ˜‡ƒ–Ž‡ƒ•–‘‡’”‹…‹’Ž‡Ž‹‡–Šƒ–Ǥdz I closed my mouth and averted my eyes, to evade her steadfast gaze. A personal code. The philosophies by which I lived my life were something deeply engrained within me. However, I was unsure if that was something safe to voice. The only thing that gave me push was the simple fact that I realized