•‘Šƒ”†–‘•™ƒ›‡™ƒ•‹–•‡Žˆ‘ˆ•‘‡‹Ž†‹–‡”‡•–Ǥ™‘—Ž†ǯ–Šƒ˜‡™ƒ•–‡† my efforts like that. Why try hammering a nail into rice? Then, when we both started feeling like it was time to go, I asked her a question that had been on my mind. DzŠƒ–ƒ”‡›‘—‰‘‹‰–‘†‘™‹–Š–Šƒ–”‘’‡ǫ‘—ǯ”‡‘–‰‘‹‰–‘‹ŽŽ ›‘—”•‡Žˆǡ”‹‰Š–ǫ‘—•ƒ‹†•‘‡–Š‹‰ƒ„‘—–ƒ’”ƒ…–‹…ƒŽŒ‘‡ǫdz DzŠƒ–ǯ•”‹‰Š–ǡ–Š‘—‰Š™‘ǯ–„‡ƒ”‘—†–‘•‡‡Š‘™‹–‰‘‡•‘ˆˆǤ‘—ǯŽŽ Šƒ˜‡–‘•‡‡ˆ‘”‡Ǥǯ‰‘‹‰–‘Š‹–ƒ„‘—––Š‡”‘’‡‹›Œ‘—”ƒŽǤŠ‘‡˜‡” finds it will get tricked into thinking I must have been so distraught that I …‘•‹†‡”‡†•—‹…‹†‡ǤŠƒ–ǯ•–Š‡’”ƒǤdz DzŠƒ–ǯ•„ƒ†–ƒ•–‡‹•™Šƒ–‹–‹•Ǥdz Dz–ǯŽŽ„‡ˆ‹‡ǡ†‘ǯ–™‘””›ǤǯŽŽ„‡•—”‡–‘™”‹–‡–Šƒ–‹–ǯ•‘––”—‡Ǥ™‘ǯ– Ž‡ƒ˜‡–Š‡Šƒ‰‹‰Ǥdz ‡––‹‰–Šƒ–‘‡’ƒ••„›ǡ•ƒ‹†ǡDzǯ‘–•—”‡–Šƒ–ƒ‡•—’ˆ‘”‹–ǡ„—– ‹–ǯ•„‡––‡”–Šƒ‘–Š‹‰Ǥdz This utterly alien way of thinking had me feeling both exasperated ƒ†ƒ—•‡†Ǥ™‘—Ž†ǯ–•’ƒ”‡ƒ›–Š‘—‰Š––‘Š‘™’‡‘’Ž‡™‘—Ž†”‡ƒ…–ƒˆ–‡” was dead and gone. We left the coffee shop and made our way back into the station and its jostling crowds. We got on our train, where we stood and talked a little, then we were back in our town. ‡ǯ†„‘–Š–ƒ‡‘—”„‹…›…Ž‡•–‘–Š‡–”ƒ‹•–ƒ–‹‘ǡƒ†™‡”‡–”‹‡˜‡† them from the free bicycle parking area and rode back to the school, where we waved and parted ways. Š‡•ƒ‹†ǡDzƒŽ–‘›‘—–‘‘””‘™Ǥdz†‹†ǯ––Š‹™‡™‘—Ž†–ƒŽ–Š‡ ‡š–†ƒ›ǡƒ•™‡†‹†ǯ–Šƒ˜‡Ž‹„”ƒ”›†—–›ǡ„—–•ƒ‹†ǡDz—”‡Ǥdz I took the same way home as I always did, and as I would many times again. But something felt odd. An inescapable fear toward death and erasure had stirred up inside me recently, but now the fear had calmed, if only by a little. All day, the impression my classmate gave off had been so far from death. Maybe death seemed less real to me now. Starting that day, I had just a little bit of trouble believing she was going to die. At home, I read a book, ate the dinner my mother made, took a bath, drank barley tea in the kitchen, greeted my father back from work, then returned to my room intending to read some more. That was when a text message arrived on my phone. I almost never used my phone to text, and