friends. Akiyoshi was always spouting her ideals, and under her influence, at some point I began to have dreams of my own. I even thought that within those four years I might find it, that ideal self of mine that Akiyoshi spoke of. But it was too late for that. There was no going back now. Now, I was alone. Dzƒ›„‡–Š‹‰•™‘—Ž†ǯ˜‡„‡‡†‹ˆˆ‡”‡–‹ˆ›‘—™‡”‡Š‡”‡ǡdz…ƒŽŽ‡†–‘ her, but of course there was no reply. She could no longer speak to me. And so my life as a university student had come to an endȄexhausted from job hunting, grumbling into my beer cans, unable to do a single thing. I could not become the person I wished to be; I had no idea who that person even was in the first place. Four years were going to pass me by ™‹–Š‘—–‡•‘—…Šƒ•”‡…‡‹˜‹‰ƒ•‹‰–Šƒ––Š‘•‡‹†‡ƒŽ•‘ˆ‹›‘•Š‹ǯ•™‡”‡ ever going to become a realityȄeven if there were still ten months left. DzŠ‡™‘”Ž†…‘—Ž†…Šƒ‰‡–‘‘””‘™Ǥdz Akiyoshi had said that once. I heard those words in my head as clearly as if they had been spoken yesterday. My own mind was slipping, taunting me. Dzˆ–Š‡”‡™ƒ•ƒ”‡ƒ•‘ˆ‘”‡˜‡”›‘‡–‘’—–†‘™–Š‡‹”‰—•ƒ•‘‡ǡ–Š‡ all wars would end tomorro™Ǥdz You did say that, huh? Stupid. These stupid, stupid, stupid ideals. Dz‘ǡ–Š‡”‡ǯ•‘–Š‹‰–Šƒ–™‹ŽŽ‡˜‡”„‡–‘‘Žƒ–‡–‘…Šƒ‰‡Ǥdz Stop it. It hurt. It hurt so badly. The pit of my chest ached. Dzǥ”‡›‘—•ƒ›‹‰–Šƒ––Š‡”‡ǯ••–‹ŽŽ–‹‡ǫdz These last three y‡ƒ”•‘ˆ‹‡ǥ‘—Ž†•–‹ŽŽƒ‡–Š‡‡ƒ something? If I could still make it in time, like Akiyoshi said. Maybe I did want to change something. Maybe there was something I wanted to change about myself. I no longer knew who it was that I wanted to become. Without Akiyoshi, I had no idea. ‘—…ƒǯ–…Šƒ‰‡–Š‡–Š‹‰•–Šƒ–›‘—†‘ǯ–—†‡”•–ƒ†Ǥ So then, what could I change?